Category: thoughts


Holy week last year, I was in my third trimester already and did not want to travel far. Hence, hubby and I just stayed at home and watched DVDs. We just went Bisita Iglesia on Good Friday and enjoyed the silence of our home the rest of the week.

Today is much different. We have a tumbling little darling at home who endlessly blabbers and demands attention most of the time that make me doubt if I will be able to rest. It would probably be a luxury for me this long weekend to be able to use the internet without a frantic yelling from Ira. Add that to the fact that her Ate is not so reliable as the previous one.

I am happy though that Ryan expressed his intentions to do Bisita Iglesia again this Friday, except that Zsa -Zsa doesn’t seem cooperative these days. All in all, I just want us to rest and I just want Ryan to be able to catch up on his review  for his upcoming LOMA exam this May. Ate Kriselle’s sudden disappearance has caused a lot of frenzy in our lives that many things suffered setbacks. We are at the point of recovering from these setbacks right now and I am hoping this Holy Week can be a good start.

My Ima is probably wallowing about the fact that I am reluctant to go home to Pampanga because of Ryan’s review. My dear husband did not really ask it from me, but I took it upon myself to decide to stay at home for his review. Maybe we can make it up with Ima next time. Maybe next year we can come with a better plan for Holy Week for the entire family. Ira will be a little bigger and we can bring her almost anywhere.

This week though is meant to be for quiet time. It is meant to be for praying, for assessing our values and for praising God for all the blessings we have despite our being sinners. I am not a pious person and I hardly qualify as an upright one. But I try my best to work on the relationships I have with the people around me.

Right now, I am just quietly raising my thoughts to God and am infinitely asking for forgiveness for all my iniquities. I pray that I can be a better daughter to Him and be a better human being for everyone else. I pray that I can truly inculcate in me the lessons of this Holy Week and imbibe it not just today but for the rest of the year, or of my life. I pray for everyday guidance because my life is not just about me anymore, but it is also about another little person whom I have brought out into this world. 🙂

For all of us, I hope we can all just pray intently and renew our values. For those who have chosen to spend the week out of town, may it be in a beach or in a pilgrim, I pray for their safety and I hope that this week’s lessons be with them wherever they go. I hope we can all take this opportunity to just be calm and be quiet and forget about the hassles of this world. For several days, we get to take a leave from work and be with our loved ones. That in itself a big blessing from God.

Have a truly holy week everyone! May we all be continually blessed by God. 🙂

Holy Week

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learning to write

i have been writing since i was in high school. believe it or not, i have been paid by classmates to write for them love letters or poems. i had no proper training except for journalism during elementary for barely a year. looking back, i wish i had taken proper trainings. maybe then i would have written better, won contests more, and became a professional writer.

my mom said she always sort of knew that i will become a lawyer. in retrospect, she swayed (or brainwashed?) me that this is what i really want to become. she detested all other ideas for courses i wanted to take and made me take up A.B. Political Science as my pre-law. it was political science or accountancy…i opted for the lesser evil (in terms of math subjects). 🙂

after graduating high school, i did not immediately scout for universities. i did not know back then that as early as october prior to graduation, classmates have been taking aptitude tests everywhere. i was limited to UST, because it is just beneath the street where we used to live in sampaloc. i took the exam for journalism for my 1st choice, psychology for my 2nd, and music for my 3rd.

unfortunately, the school said i did not make it for my first two choices. sigh. i realize now that no school should say that on a fifteen year old girl. you may be ruining a dream and you may be psychologically dredging her confidence as a person. i do not, and will forever refuse to accept that i did not pass the exams for these courses. i can remember vividly that they said that i had low scores for science and math. my question now is so what? what’s science and math got to do with journalism anyway? to this day, i do not understand. they could have just told me the ugly truth–that the quota for these courses have been filled up already and that they just allowed me to take the exam for my money’s worth.

i went ahead with the idea of conservatory of music. i told myself i will just shift courses when i get into the university. it appears that there is another exam for the course (which came with a separate fee, of course), so i took it. i chose my major as voice, for i do not know how to play any instrument. i was totally thrown when they announced after that there will still be an “audition” in order to categorize your musical inclinations. i thought, uh-oh. but i decided against it when they said that this “audition” comes with a fee again. i said, okay, that’s it! enough of this non-sense. i went home to my mom feeling ridiculed all along. i realized i never saw myself as a singer, or any of that sort. i have always dreamed of it, but never really was into it.

so i went to feu, the school where my mom got her bachelor of laws degree. it was already may of 1997 when i took the entrance exam for mass communications. i got in and was thrilled to realize that i do not have to be an out-of-school youth after all.

come enrollment time, i was told that the uniform for mass com students was a culottes. the child in me refused the idea, and my best buddy chubby who accompanied me in enrolling persuaded me to just enroll for PolSci since we are both taking up law afterwards. so, after very little contemplation, i took up PolSci. i do not regret such decision, but the mature person in me now is wishing that i should have taken up accountancy instead. i would have learned math anyway. i would have been a CPA lawyer now. i would be earning more now, and i would have had more choices for work. however, i know that breezing up college prepared me for the difficult law course. my brains were not as bruised as my cum laude classmates.

sometimes though, i wish i had taken up journalism. maybe i would be writing better now. maybe i am a correspondent for a newspaper now. maybe i would be more eloquent and will have a flair for words. but then again, i would not be the person i am now, right?

my mom always said that i have a way with words. she always said that i write better than my classmates. she became my professor on my last year in college, and she said she should know. she always said that i would have been a better student have i studied more. in the bar exams, she said that she had no doubts that i can make it to the top had i read and studied more. she always encouraged me in ways that only she knows.

i may have inherited my writing skills from her, but i still wish that i have gone through proper trainings. maybe then i would be using different words now, and i would have been writing with so much ease.

barely a month ago, my ima (as the whole family and lots of friends call her) or my mother, chided me with a simple request of having her 61st birthday celebrated somewhere other than our place in pampanga. she suggested a weekend getaway somewhere since her birthday will fall on a long weekend. i gave in instantly since she didnt get to celebrate her 60th bday last year due to her mother’s demise. our initial choice was somewhere in laguna, but it was pricey and far from pampanga. then came canyon cove, still pricey and far. we needed a house, not just a room like in canyon cove.

the living room and a view of the kitchen/dining area of the villa we stayed in. you can also see the veranda where we grilled bbq and where our dog stayed. the space was enough for the whole family!

so came the fontana idea. the villa will be perfect for the size of our family. we just needed someone who can get the cheaper rates. atty. vic gladly helped me out to get the reservations and her sister obligingly helped me through the checking-in process. (lots of thanks!)

early this year, PGMA announced that november 27-28 are special non-working holidays for the muslim festival. without much surprise though, she changed her mind and recalled her earlier proclamation. so as not to ruin our plans, ryan and i just filed for leave from work.

sadly, my kuya jme couldn’t join us coz of work and coz of a long overdue issue of bringing her girl along.

days before the 27th, which is my ima’s actual birthday, i had series of hearings out-of-town. unfortunately, this prevented me from suitably preparing for our weekend getaway. as a ratpack, i hated this so much! argh!

so on the 26th, i packed and packed as much as i could, in ways that will not show that we are off for a month’s vacation. is it my fault then that i have a 6-month old baby who needed sterilizer? who needed feeding  bottles and all the stuff that comes with it? hah!

we left home at about 10:30 AM, with me cussing under my breath, coz ate freli is not home to help me with the chores and all the preparations.

we arrived in lubao, pampanga (technically, my hometown) at around 12PM just in time for lunch. we immediately greeted the birthday girl and kissed her. i knew instantly that by mere presence, we made her happy. she then started babbling with eat this, eat that. shouted at everyone in the household for rice, for water, for viands, etc. she was always like that. she has a spunk that everyone would love –and/or hate at the same time.

after eating, and after my brothers and ryan decided to play counter-strike at the family-owned computer shop, we left for fontana. we arrived there around 3pm and after settling our things in the villa, we immediately ate pansit canton and empanada for snacks. when ira felt sleepy, ima thought she can lull her to sleep by doing her old trick of putting the baby on top of a pillow and racking her feet. no-oh! not with ira. when i tried it on her, she just laughed and laughed. that’s what she did with ima too.

it was a fun-filled weekend for the entire family. the kids immensely enjoyed swimming and running in and outside the villa. ira, for one, cried at the wave pool and slept through her bathing suit. ima had almost everything prepared, from siling labuyo to marinated pork belly. she played with my little ira, with my baby immediately learning the 1-2-3 solid trick her lola ima taught her. we enjoyed eating ima’s good ole’ cooking. we all loved, oh except for ate freli and ate sarah, the free centralized aircon we had for three days. i sulked in the warm bath day in and day out.


ira's first plunge into the water...she doesnt quite like it though. 🙂

there was no regret that we went ahead with the plan, despite budget constraints. i know that ima felt, and still feels happy with her birthday celebration. i can imagine her talking to friends, bragging that her kids planned this for her birthday.

the whole family except for ima...ira is busy with something else

i stayed in the jacuzzi for hours, just letting the pressure of the water massage my over-fatigued human body. i closed my eyes and froze the moment in my mind…i prayed to God that good things like those will keep coming to my family. i thanked and praised Him for every bit of blessings i have, and thanked Him more for those to come.

kuya kenji was splashing some water on ira's face. she seemed to be okay with it as long as i was holdng her..:)

that weekend may have meant a lot to my ima, but it meant more to me, as it not only rested my tired body, it fed my famished soul.