Tag Archive: my hubby ryan


Disney On Ice

I cannot consider myself a fan of animation or cartoons. But as I was growing up, I became fond of fantasy stories, like that of Anastasia (I especially liked the soundtrack).

About three years ago, Disney on Ice came to Manila and I really wanted to go. For some reason, I was not able to catch it. I think my friends were quizzically asking why I wanted to watch. For one, I had no child yet back then and I am not known for liking things such as that. So I brushed it aside and have missed the opportunity.

When we arrived in Singapore, I saw some ads about Disney on Ice: Worlds of Fantasy. Something inside me wanted to check tickets but because we just arrived and unnecessary expenses are completely not advisable yet, I dismissed the idea again.

After a month or so, my dear daughter saw the ads with her dear Mickey Mouse. She instantly yelled “Ickey” and “Ouse”, referring to Mickey and Minnie, respectively. The mom in me could not resist the look in my daughter’s eyes. So I checked tickets the next day. Luckily, Starhub subscribers are entitled to discounts and Ira is still free so that helped a lot.

So come 19 March 2011, we all geared up to watch Disney on Ice. Unexpectedly, Ira wanted to leave the instant we went inside the Singapore Indoor Stadium. We then remembered how she doesn’t like loud sounds of speakers. She was on daddy’s shoulders the whole time. Even when we tried to convince her that Mickey was there, she wouldn’t bulge. She even fell asleep at the end of the show. Funny little girl.

The show was alright. For me, it was not really spectacular that I was left in awe. But it was fun and it was something that helped ease away the stress, even just for a day. For a kid, I am sure it is something really great. I liked the Little Mermaid part because they had beautiful songs. I liked the Lion King because of its funny characters and I was really amazed how they were able to skate for more than ten minutes with those animal costumes on. We missed the part of Cars because traffic was really terrible near the place. The stint of Tinkerbell did not really amaze me, although I always liked Tinkerbell because of the Peter Pan story.

The hosts for the show were Daffy Duck and Donald Duck and of course Mickey and Minnie Mouse. It was a bit disappointing that they barely spent time in the show, but that was expected because the show is Worlds of Fantasy, after all. I wasn’t even expecting them to be there, but was glad that they graced the show as hosts, nevertheless.

It was fun to see kids who came in princess and mermaids costumes. The show was attended by different nationalities, much very different if we caught it in Manila.

Ira enjoyed the pictures when we came home. For two days, she would remember the show by saying “Ickey, dance”. I am hoping that next time Ira will be able to enjoy it without being scared of the speakers. After all, her free-infant-on-lap privilege is soon to expire as she enters the terrible twos. ūüôā

Our Singapore Decision

It all came as a surprise to most people who know us. My profession is not generally a good job for someone who wants to work or migrate abroad but I thought I’d give it a try.

It was not an easy decision to make. In fact, it was by far one of the hardest I had to do in my life. I was a patriot in my own little way and leaving the Philippines never brushed through my thoughts. I have always categorically said that I will never leave the Philippines other than for a vacation. I sort of reconsidered after watching the Lord of the Rings that I will only leave the Philippines to live in the beautiful New Zealand, period.

But when you start a family, your priorities and decisions change. Your ideals remain in the past and they¬†are simply¬†left with your youth…something you can just happily look back on.

My very good friend Greys (spelling was intentionally altered by her when we were in college) works in Dubai and I have marvelled at the things she could buy and how she has changed in all aspects. We remained close despite distance and maintain an online friendship through (almost) everyday email. She mentioned in passing that her beau has a co-worker who has a lawyer wife in the Philippines who is now working in Singapore. I quizzically raised my eyebrows asking Greys how could that be. She said the lawyer went directly to Singapore to look for a job. The idea sparked a lot of lightbulbs in my brain but it did not go any further than that.

There came an officemate who suddenly disappeared from our office and after some rumors being confirmed, we found out that she was working in Singapore and her salary is probably more than  four times the amount she was receiving before.

I then started making researches and have abandoned my Farmville life and chose to spend nights focusing on my research. Just when I was so engrossed in my research, Greys again informed me that we have a classmate back in college who now lives in Australia where he is likewise a lawyer. I liked the idea better because my brother is due to leave for Australia last year (which he did by end of November 2010). If I would migrate, I wanted it to be in a place where I know some people and I happen to have some friends in Australia.

So my research went from Singapore to Australia. After some mulling over, we realized that we did not have the funds yet to immigrate to Australia. Singapore is nearer, fare is cheaper, and we did not need a visa before leaving. I then went back to my Singapore research and I found out that it is very much possible for me to bring Ira along with me if I get any pass higher than S-Pass. That fact made me more eager to pursue our decision. 

Hubby and I discussed it and we agreed to give it a try after settling some things in the Philippines. We agreed to wait for the right time and to properly tie some loose ends in the Philippines first before jumping into such decision. We knew it was not an easy one.

Then came my father’s stroke.

Lots of things changed and we had to deal with these changes swiftly. We had to decide for my father to come home from the States because no one would take care of him. Expectedly, we had to shoulder additional expenses at home for his medications and therapy. Personally, I knew this was something I owe to my father after years of sacrifice for us. 

To cut the very long story short,¬†hubby and I tried our luck¬†¬†in Singapore and after literally shedding sweat, blood and tears, we are here now…together. That is the bottomline of our decision. Even if it¬†is in the richest country in the world, but we would have to live apart, we would not go for that. I was raised with one parent working away and I did not like it. I¬†do not want to subject Ira to that kind of life.

In my research, I found out that there are many Filipinos working here in Singapore. Some of the best IT people here are Filipinos and they are earning a lot for it. Though it is a foreign country, not a day goes by that I do not bump into another Filipino. It makes me feel at home.

It was indeed a difficult decision. But when we were heading out for this life, I asked God to lead me to where He wants me to be. I knew that if I was not meant to live this life, God with all His might can stop me. But without me knowing it, God helped me in my decision and He is still carrying me through it all.

I am still adjusting to everything around here. It is not too difficult to adjust to some things because they actually make life ergonomically easier around here.¬†From the¬†transportation system to the way we wash clothes.¬†But of course, I will always love my country…even from afar.¬†I will continue to be sad about the bad things that are happening there and I will¬†still¬†marvel about the¬†people and things that make the country proud, like that little girl Maria Aragon.

I am still¬†unsure as to¬†how long we are going to stay here.¬†We are living¬†each day as it comes. We have made enough planning last year that I want to take a rest in making further plans this year.¬†But one thing is definite, Philippines is just a three-hour plane ride away…and we will surely visit as often¬†as budget and time will allow us.¬†¬†ūüėČ

Loving Long Weekends

Since we had the new president, long weekends have become scarce. For working peeps, that’s disheartening. I have nothing for and against the previous and new presidents, but if there is one thing I loved about GMA’s administration, it must be her economic policy on long weekends. But for reasons only he knows, PNoy chose to deviate from that policy. Luckily, we had two consecutive long weekends which made me think that working four days a week isn’t so bad after all. Hubby said if he becomes president of the Philippines, that’s the first order he will draw up. I couldn’t stop laughing with that silly dream. Not a bad idea, huh?

Because this weekend is a long one, hubby and I met up with good friends Ino and Sheba. We had fun at dinner just talking about anything we missed about each other for the past couple of months. It always feels good to be in their company. We met up at Greenbelt and spent almost an hour just looking for a place to eat. Can you believe that? Restaurants and bars were packed because of this long weekend fever. Good thing we found good seats at Fish & Co. We ate to our hearts content, although missed out on desserts.

The waiter nicely offered hubby a privilege card which entitles us to 20% discounts in any of Bistro restaurants, including our favorite Friday’s. The card seemed pricey at first but getting it gave us a consumable coupon which we can use on our next visit. Hearing that, I chose not to oppose hubby’s decision to get the card. Its like we will just have no choice but to eat out again next week. ūüôā

I suddenly remembered all the coupons that my boss gave me months back, giving discounts and freebies. I am such a rat pack that I tend to forget where I placed all these little papers. Some of them probably expired without having been used. What a waste, huh? If these Coupons she gave me can be found online, I would have found them easily. ūüėČ I would have bookmarked them right away.

So now, even if tomorrow feels like Sunday already, hubby and I will probably watch a movie, eat out and play around with Ira. And on the real Sunday, we will slack off the whole day and have DVD marathons. Oh I really wish we could have more of these long weekends more often. Less stress and less headaches for everyone. Philippines would probably be a better place. Hahaha. ūüôā

Ira @ 14 months

My dear princess has grown big. Uh well, not actually big coz she takes after her parents, small, that is. But in my eyes, from the time that she sleeps incessantly up to now that she knows how to refuse napping, she is now a big baby.

Her used-to-be dresses have now become blouses and her rompers are just so tight fit that she looks fat. She walks a lot like crazy and she cries if she’s not allowed to walk outside. Crazy I say because she walks around the yard more than ten times, or until she gets tired or thirsty. When she reaches that point, she will just leave whoever she’s with and walk towards the house. My Tatay would laugh with this daily routine of hers because she has unbelievable energy daw.

However, she refuses to wean from breastfeeding and would just cry endlessly if I insist on putting her to sleep with the use of bottle-feeding. The mommy in me would easily give in, knowing that the days of her complete devotion to me are about to end. I know too that by breastfeeding her, I am trying to give her my best.

Yesterday, she just turned 14 months old. Hubby and I have a long way to go when it comes to parenting but we are taking things in stride, learning each little thing as it comes. Because of lack of sleep (thanks to typhoon¬†Basyang!), we almost forgot that she turned 14 months yesterday. Hubby became so sad that we had to buy a cake for Ira just to make up. But because of unexpected series of events, it took us 3 hours to come home and the cake is unrecognizable by the time we opened it for Ira. Sigh. Well, as they say, its the thought that counts. ūüôā

This morning, we came to work quite late because Ira refused to drink milk from her bottle. Whenever I’d get up from the bed to take a bath, she would cry hysterically and shout “dede”. I tried to leave the bed once and she cried laying her face flat on the bed. She raised her face up and showed her pursed lips with matching “tulala look“. She wasn’t crying anymore but she had tears in her eyes. Hubby and I both wondered what her act was all about.

Hubby would usually be frantic about me not taking a bath on time but this morning, no one dared to question Ira. We had to switch on the TV to divert her attention by watching Dibo the Gift Dragon in Playhouse Disney Channel. She finally took her bottle and laid back to watch. Haay, kids nowadays talaga.

Today I found out that I won the Kids Central Watch Time Management Contest. Yahoo. ¬†Thanks a lot imom! Isn’t that a perfect gift for Ira? When I receive the prize, I will take a picture of it and write a post about how I came to join the contest.

I really want to make frequent updates about my little one but time just prevent me from doing so. I will update this post by posting her more recent photo.

Anyways, happy 14th month my little one! Mommy and Daddy love you to pieces. Mwah! ūüôā

It has been nineteen years. Yes. Nineteen Long Years. My father hasn’t been home that long and finally, he is coming home.

My Tatay, as all of us siblings call him, has lived and worked for the last nineteen years in New Jersey. We survived such time and distance apart with the help of phone calls, letters, text messages, and just recently, Yahoo Messenger and Skype. He enjoyed the latter immensely as he was able to see us everyday, as if we were just an hour apart. He was able to see Ira grow from the day she was born until the day she learned how to walk.

Prior to his decision to work in the U.S., Tatay has worked in Saudi since I can’t remember when. All I know is I grew up with my Ima only around, waiting for remittances of Tatay and waiting for his yearly vacations. My Ima often recalls that time when I went hiding upon seeing my Tatay because I got scared of his mustache. To put it plainly, I grew up with an absentee father.

But I don’t think my father and I lost the line¬†as far as love and respect are concerned. I admit that in the start, I was just elated by the fact that my Tatay would send U.S. goodies to us and that we were able to have everything we wanted. After studying in a public school, Ima finally allowed us to study in private schools. Back in high school, my classmates would notice my signature backpacks and other things. Even at a young age, I always knew that he was there so we can get all the things we wanted and needed.

When I went into college, that’s when I realized all the sacrifices he was doing. He gave us all we wanted and more. But he never complained. He gave me a bashful 18th birthday celebration because he said I was his only girl. He used to call me his Beautiful Ampang (the latter being my nickname at home). When I graduated from college, he was so delighted, he almost gave me the world. Of course that is exaggeration, but that is how my dad loves me.

Imagine his delight when I entered into law school. He felt very proud for every unit I earned in law school. When I wanted to be a working student, he strongly opposed because he wanted me to concentrate with my studies. My Tatay was right all along.

He was overly supportive when I took the Bar Exams. He made sure I have everything I needed. I was able to choose a hotel nearer La Salle although it was more pricey than the hotel my other classmates stayed in. He gladly paid for the food¬†all the four Sundays of Bar for all my org-mates in Law School with my Mom’s cooking.

I know he must have been saddened when I broke the news to him that I was getting married. After all, I was his baby and it was hard for him to accept that someone else is taking me away. But being the understanding father that he is, he gave me his blessing.

When I had Ira, I felt that he loved her more than he loves me. Friends say its because Ira is mine thats why he loves her that much. After years of giving up on sending us packages, he sent boxes for Ira’s goodies. The packages contained unbelievably too many things for Ira. The clothes he bought her could even last until she reaches five years old. He would refuse to miss a night of Skype with Ira and I to the point of Ira knowing him through the webcam.

On the eve of my hubby’s birthday weeks ago, he called me up on the phone. That seldom happens because we do Skype every night. I felt his voice was different and asked if he was sick. He said he probably ate too much pork and feels numbness in his feet that he has to go to the doctor. I prodded him to make sure that he goes and asked him to update me about it.

It turned out it was a mild stroke for my Tatay. My uncle and other relatives would update me but I never really knew his status until I saw him. Since he can’t stay on his own yet, he had to stay with my ever-kind Uncle Medel. When he first saw me, my Tatay cried like there was no tomorrow. It was like when a child got lost in the park and he saw his mother. We were both crying and my heart melted away with his pain.

I didn’t sleep that night. My mind was racing with thoughts on how to get him there and how to take care of him. I just cried myself and wallowed myself in the helplessness of not being able to help the one man who was always there for me.

Before he had a stroke, hubby and I were already making plans for the future. Because Tatay wanted to spend time with us before such plans happen, he abruptly decided to go home. Just this Saturday, he called and informed us that he will be arriving on June 2.

My heart raced with glee with such news, coupled with the fact that we have to fix a lot of things around the house so we can accommodate his physical restraints.

We had to buy a sofa bed because he will temporary stay downstairs. We are also on the hunt for a good bed in his room once he is able to walk up the stairs. We are also looking for ways on how to install an AC unit in the living room, especially with the heat!

All in all, I am just glad that he is coming home. I hope I will be able to repay all his love for us by being able to take care of him now that he needs us.

I pray that he gets better soon also so that we can roam around the city to show him other places.

This is definitely going to be one of the best birthdays for the both of us and we will surely celebrate it with love and happiness! Thank you God! ūüôā

It was just last year that hubby and I decided to get our own LCD TV. It was not that fancy or big, just enough to make us watch better TV shows or movies. For hubby, he likes watching sports channel there, it appears more action-packed to him. I, for one, like watching movies there. The movies feel like coming to life and I feel every twist and turn of the scenes.

We are lucky to have great innovations today which never seemed possible before.

I used to love the portable DVD of hubby because its a space saver and it doesn’t entail much clutter. However, my BIL dropped it and the LCD was broken (probably beyond repair). Recently though, I stumbled upon this lcd tv dvd where I learned that there is now this great new product. When I learned about it, I quickly informed my hubby about it. Were it not for the fact that we our LCD TV is not even a year old, we would have considered buying the LCD TV/DVD for ourselves.

The good thing about LCD TV with DVD is that its a big space saver. You don’t have to plug in too many cables and use separate remote controls for the TV and DVD. It is advisable for people who are on the go and those who want less clutter around the house.

When our budget so permits, we will consider getting one and stop ourselves from drooling over it. ūüôā

First Hospital Experience

A year ago, Doc Abad, my very pretty Ob/Gyne, advised me for admission due to my urinary tract infection. I was in my last trimester then and was not really experiencing pain except that the results for my annual physical exam at work yielded to Anemia and UTI. I have a nephrolithiasis and have a recurrent UTI and was undergoing medication before I got pregnant. Sure, I have the knack for salty foods and can barely make the requirement of 8 glasses of water a day, but I never thought it could affect my pregnancy that much.

My OB said that I have to see her personally after I get a urine culture. The results showed that only IV antibiotics can be used on me by reason of my pregnancy. I have well prepared myself for a hospitalization for my baby’s delivery, but not for this one.¬†When Doc Abad told me that, I thought uh-oh, I’m not so ready yet for the hospital. I have always been scared of needles and the mere smell of the hospital makes my tummy tumble upside down. But for the precious little person inside me, I had to do it.

the first of many needles that year

So to my veins went the needles and the everyday battle with the nurses and the taking of the medicines lasted for exactly seven days. It has been exactly a year since that day.

The sad part of that hospitalization experience is that my dear hubby had to take days off from work and the date of my discharge unfortunately had to fall on my hubby’s birthday. I am the luckiest person coz my hubby was so understanding that he didn’t even feel sad about spending ¬†half of his special day in the hospital.

We were still able to celebrate his birthday with a lovely (but spur-of-the-moment) dinner prepared by my Ima with the whole family, in-laws included.

It was a very surreal but illuminating experience. I learned that you can overcome even your most dreaded fears, that you are strong beyond your beliefs. That your fears are nothing compared to your capabilities as a person. I happily went through that experience without a scratch.

More importantly, I felt good that I was able to get through it with my dear hubby beside me each and everyday. He never left my side. Not even a moment. Oh well, except for the times he had to buy food for us, he was always at my side. He did almost everything for me. He bathed me, changed my clothes, combed my hair and fed me. He did things for me that I never thought he could. I realized then how much he can do for me. And if only for that, my first hospital experience was worth all the needles and all the pains. ūüôā

Holy week last year, I was in my third trimester already and did not want to travel far. Hence, hubby and I just stayed at home and watched DVDs. We just went Bisita Iglesia on Good Friday and enjoyed the silence of our home the rest of the week.

Today is much different. We have a tumbling little darling at home who endlessly blabbers and demands attention most of the time that make me doubt if I will be able to rest. It would probably be a luxury for me this long weekend to be able to use the internet without a frantic yelling from Ira. Add that to the fact that her Ate is not so reliable as the previous one.

I am happy though that Ryan expressed his intentions to do Bisita Iglesia again this Friday, except that Zsa -Zsa doesn’t seem cooperative these days. All in all, I just want us to rest and I just want Ryan to be able to catch up on his review ¬†for his upcoming LOMA exam this May. Ate Kriselle’s sudden disappearance has caused a lot of frenzy in our lives that many things suffered setbacks. We are at the point of recovering from these setbacks right now and I am hoping this Holy Week can be a good start.

My Ima is probably wallowing about the fact that I am reluctant to go home to Pampanga because of Ryan’s review. My dear husband did not really ask it from me, but I took it upon myself to decide to stay at home for his review. Maybe we can make it up with Ima next time. Maybe next year we can come with a better plan for Holy Week for the entire family. Ira will be a little bigger and we can bring her almost anywhere.

This week though is meant to be for quiet time. It is meant to be for praying, for assessing our values and for praising God for all the blessings we have despite our being sinners. I am not a pious person and I hardly qualify as an upright one. But I try my best to work on the relationships I have with the people around me.

Right now, I am just quietly raising my thoughts to God and am infinitely asking for forgiveness for all my iniquities. I pray that I can be a better daughter to Him and be a better human being for everyone else. I pray that I can truly inculcate in me the lessons of this Holy Week and imbibe it not just today but for the rest of the year, or of my life. I pray for everyday guidance because my life is not just about me anymore, but it is also about another little person whom I have brought out into this world. ūüôā

For all of us, I hope we can all just pray intently and renew our values. For those who have chosen to spend the week out of town, may it be in a beach or in a pilgrim, I pray for their safety and I hope that this week’s lessons be with them wherever they go. I hope we can all take this opportunity to just be calm and be quiet and forget about the hassles of this world. For several days, we get to take a leave from work and be with our loved ones. That in itself a big blessing from God.

Have a truly holy week everyone! May we all be continually blessed by God. ūüôā

Holy Week

The first thing I do upon waking up, aside from thanking God for another waking day, is check my cellular phone for time and for new messages, if any. This morning was not any different, except for the first message I saw. It was a text message from a good friend and colleague, Atty. Inocencio Vivero, Jr. It was a message informing family and friends that his eldest daughter, Lianne, passed away this morning.

I sat up immediately to check if I was reading it correctly. I told Ryan about the news and he was likewise surprised. He checked his phone and had the same message from Ino. I sighed heavily and almost cried on my knees.

Lianne looked as healthy as any bouncy girl. She was just eight years old, if I’m not mistaken. She was plump and always smiling. I was not really her godmother but she always treated me like one.

As of this time, I really do not know the immediate cause of her death. All I knew is that her Leukemia had relapsed recently. We were supposed to see each other in a birthday party of a friend’s son but it coincided with Lianne’s¬†check-up. Days after, Ino informed us that the Leukemia had relapsed. I did not specifically know that she was confined in the hospital for the last weeks or so had I not seen in his Facebook account. I have been telling Ryan yesterday that if she is still in the hospital in the weekend, then we’ll go see her.

Ino was my classmate in college but we went to different law schools. I can say that we were really never friends before but when we worked together for the Elections last 2007, we bonded so well that we became good friends. I even got him as Ira’s godfather.

We started working together September of 2006. It was around that time when Lianne was diagnosed with Leukemia. I always admired how his wife, Sheba, took care of their children, being a stay-at-home mom. The day we found out the possibility of her illness, I went to San Juan de Dios Hospital and accompanied Ino and Sheba. I was not yet a mother then but I already felt their pain. They appreciated the fact that I was there because they did not know what to do. Came then the successive cycles of chemotherapy and the continuous medications. Everything was doing well for Lianne. Personally, I included her in every novena I had. I always commiserated with them because for a very young couple, it was a very burdensome test from God.

But they did no flinch. They knew Lianne could survive the Big C.

Lianne, on her part, showed more courage that a 6-year-old child may hardly have. It was difficult for all the needles that came through her skin but she never complained. I have seen other children confined in a hospital and they are either hysterically crying all the time or just plain grumpy. But not Lianne. She was as pacified as she can be. Whenever she got scared because tests will be made on her, she would quietly shed tears. When blood came out of her nose, my friend Chubby and I instantly cried. Sheba jokingly said that there is a no crying policy in the hospital. Their battle for Lianne lasted for more than three years and they mightily survived.

July last year, Lianne was pronounced to have zero cancer cells. It was a very joyous thing for Ino’s entire family. I was one of the many friends who shared with their joy. ¬†I even remember Ino blogging seriously about it.¬†They even visited our home late December last year and I cooked dinner for them. They liked the Nachos I prepared and gobbled on fries while playing Wii with her sister Daphne and brother Joaqs.

But just this March, the doctor of Lianne said the Leukemia relapsed. I knew so well that Lianne could surpass this one as much as she did the last time. I always admired the little girl’s strength. But I was wrong. Maybe she was tired. And maybe, she did not want to further subject her family to more agony.

I cannot, for the life of me, begin to imagine the pain of Ino and Sheba. I am a mother now and I understand, more or less, all the pains that come with being a parent. I cannot even blink my eyes to even try imagining how they feel right now. I will not wish such pain on anyone. But I know they will come through this. This I have learned in my regular visits to Noemi Dado’s blog.

Lianne’s death came just in time for the Holy Week when we need to mull over things and re-assess our lives. All deaths leave us a lesson that time is fleeting and that we have to seize each moment. I am glad, somehow, that Lianne’s entire family was able to pamper her for the last two years or so. Maybe thats the goodness of knowing someone is ill, it gives you a chance to savor each day with them.

I am hoping though that we will all learn to pamper our loved ones, in a way that we will feel its enough (although it will never be enough) so that when the end inevitably comes, we will be assured that we have made them feel our love.

When I asked Ino if they need any help with anything, his reply to me was:

“Magkita kita lang tayong masaya sa harap ni lianne, ok na yun mare.”

I almost cried with his reply. Cliche’ aside,I am sure Lianne is happy now. ¬†She was a very good girl and accepted her plight with the maturity that none of us may have.

I remember Lianne’s reply when Ino and Sheba told her that she may lose her hair because of the chemotherapy. She said and I quote (not verbatim):

“Magsusuot na lang ako ng hat. Bilhan nyo na lang ako ng hat.”

I was deeply touched by her acceptance. Lianne’s hair grew back just fine, it even became beautifully curly, like that of a doll.

I will no longer see her shy smile. ¬†Ino will no longer share stories about her daughter’s battle with Leukemia. He will no longer ask for prayers for Lianne’s recovery. I will always look for her unassuming eyes. After she gives me a kiss on the cheek, she will always just answer shyly to my questions. I have always admired Lianne’s good heart. Her kindness never failed to light up a dim room. It always reverberated to touch my heart. For the few years that I have come to know her, I have learned from her a lot about loving, giving and fighting.

Being a mother myself, I know how difficult it is to go through the days knowing that your very precious child has passed away. As they all say, no parent should bury his own child. Just thinking about it brings throngs of pain to my heart. And I will not even attempt to tell Ino nor Sheba that things will be okay. I will just let them be and let them grieve for I am certain that their pain is beyond words.

Grieving is the process they have to go through and much as I try to, I will not wholly understand the process. All I can do is to pray with them. And I will do that for them until their hearts are completely healed.

I cannot deny though that it is saddening that the world lost another good soul. But I know inasmuch as Ino and Sheba know, that Lianne is now healed and happier.

We will all see her up there…someday. ūüôā

Amidst the busy schedule of preparing things for Ira’s 1st birthday, we were surprised last week with a high grade fever from Ira.

She started to have the fever Tuesday night, with a whopping 38.8 degrees. I say whopping coz its technically the first time she has ever had fever (aside from the effect of an immunization) and it was way above what I expected. We gave her paracetamol and we weren’t able to sleep. I went on leave from work since Wednesday until Friday. For me, nothing mattered more than looking after my baby.

After several talks with Doc Cathy, we were assured there was nothing to worry since Ira was still active during the day and was eating well. But at night, Ira would refuse to sleep on the bed. She required me to stand up for hours, just like when she was just a newborn. I almost broke my back tending after her, but I didn’t want to upset her anymore than she already was. On Saturday, the rashes we were told to watch out for came out. Doc Cathy said it was just “tigdas hangin” and it was viral in nature, nothing to worry, it shall pass. But dear hubby wanted to make sure, so we went to the clinic for lab tests.

But Ira was hysterical the moment it dawned on her that blood samples will be taken from her. The Med Tech couldn’t place the rubber in her arm and said no clear veins can be seen on her. Translation: ¬†Trouble for all of us. I knew Ira would refuse with all her might to give the blood samples. I asked if pricking will be sufficient. After several attempts and tons of decibels from Ira’s screams and cries, we gave in. Prick na lang.

Turned out that Ira is healthy naman, no dengue scare or whatever. Platelets are okay but the rashes kept coming  out. Good thing the fever was totally gone by Friday night.

I had some sort of argument with hubby coz I opposed the blood tests. I know its just to make sure that Ira is fine, but as her Mom, I knew she was fine. I knew it was nothing worse. I knew it as I held her to sleep for several days. But to buy peace, I gave in.

It was very difficult to have a sick baby. I can imagine other parents having worse cases with their babies. This is why I cry when I see people on TV who have problems with their babies. I commiserate with them. I cannot, for the life of me, see myself in a position where I am fighting against a worse kind of illness for my baby.

This is why today, on her 9th month of making our lives complete, I only have thankfulness in my heart that Ira is as healthy as she can be. She has never had coughs, colds or anything of that sort. She has never had diarrhea or any problem which needed hospitalization. Maybe because aside from prayers, I make sure that no one smokes in the house coz from experience, I know it brings a lot of sickness on babies. And no, I dont want that on my baby.

So now, Im back to work again. Piles of documents for notarization, contracts for review, and hearings for the week await me. Its okay that Ryan and I weren’t able to go on a date on Valentine’s day. There are other days for that. Ira needed us more at home.

That also applies as to questions why I went on leave for the days that she was sick. I am a mother. I am required to do more than that, if deemed necessary. Actually, for the days that I was with her, I realized more that I’d really love to stay at home, or work part time just to be with her more.

So my dear Ira, Happy 9th month birthday! Please be super well na. You scared Mommny and Daddy. Thank you for being a very strong and healthy baby. Help Mommy and Daddy be the best parents for you, ha? Mommy will cook later for you, so just wait at home. I miss you already. Those 5 days straight that Mommy had with you are by far the best days of the year for her. Love you anak.